Don’t turn your life upside down and alter the routines you have with your children. Children will need stability and reassurance at this time

Bring your girlfriend into the children’s life only when you are ready for a long term commitment

Be clear that your new partner will not be their mother because they already have a mother (when they do have a mother) Encourage the children to use her first name.

Acknowledge the hurt and grief that the new arrangements may trigger for your ex partner and reassure her that her relationship with the children is valued and will not be threatened by the new arrangements

Communicate with your children about your ongoing love for them and the central place they have  in your life

Be up front with your new partner that you and the children come as “a package.”

Ask your ex-partner to support you in building your new step family by encouraging the children and keeping the pattern of care during the settling in period

Don Rowlands, Family Counsellor