Seven Rules for Fighting Fair
The couples guide to constructive conflict resolution
- CHOOSE TO TALK AND LISTEN
Make space from distractions. Sit facing your partner. Listen without interrupting, show genuine interest, and respond honestly about how you feel. - PICK YOUR MOMENT - BUT DON'T PUT IT OFF FOREVER
Fights often happen in the wrong place, so agree on another time and place. Not in public, not at dinner- time, not in front of the children. But deal with it! - GUARD AGAINST CROSS-COMPLAINING
Don't match one complaint with another. Keep it above the belt, and don't use "always" & "never". And don't use a complaint as an excuse to explode your anger. - ATTACK THE ISSUE AND NOT THE PERSON
Don't rubbish the person, focus on the disagreement. Try to use "I" statements. - DON'T PLAY GUESSING GAMES - SAY WHAT YOU MEAN
Talking in codes only works if your partner can decode them. Your partner can't read your mind. Don't use the silent treatment. - GET IT OUT IN THE OPEN
While it may be hard to talk about what irritates you about your partner's behaviour, it can help to arrange set times to catch up with how things are going. An exercise to get things started could be:- "I get angry, when you......."
- " .... and I wish you would......"
- "....but I realise that....."(think why your partner may behave like this).
Write it down ready to share. You can then look at ways to solve the problem.
- LEARN TO APOLOGISE
Don't be a door-mat, but realise you won’t always be right. All things can be talked about, some things can be changed, the rest should be forgiven.
Adapted from GRAPEVINE
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